Proof that someday a monkey will type the Gettysburg Address

One of the questions I frequently get asked regarding stand up comedy goes along the lines of "How do you know what you're going to do on-stage?"

There's a lot of different ways to answer that question but what I like to do before a set is to jot down a list of possible bits- either things I feel like doing, things I think might work for the room, or anything new I'd like to try out. Doing this helps to focus and reign in a brain that's constantly thinking 100 different things a minute.

Then what I'll do is take that list and write it out with some semblance of order on a tiny corner of the same page then rip it out and tuck it into my back pocket as a "break in case of emergency" measure on the off chance I cough up a bong hit from 1996 and have a thermonuclear brain fart on stage.

I consider the list that makes it into the back pocket as the game plan for the set. Usually, I'll do the first two or three things on the list before tempting fate and branching out into the unknown. One of the greatest things about doing comedy is working without a net and seeing what happens. I often go "off the list" and won't return to it until it's time to close up shop.

My favorite thing about these back pocket lists is that they're completely forgotten about until pockets are emptied. When they're rediscovered days or weeks later, it's always an intriguing find because nothing is really ever written out other than key words that would only make sense to the guy telling the jokes.

On my desk there's a nice sized pile of scraps of paper with scrawled out phrases as latino gas, tranny weirdo, boogie board, or pawn shop ninja. Each and everyone of these scraps represents a different set and for some unexplainable reason I can remember the where and when of each one.

Here's what something labeled pawn shop ninja looks like out in the wild.

Pawn Shop Ninja


This clip could probably have a better title like "The Greatest Ninja Joke Ever Told Followed by a Pirate Joke That's Way Too Smart for a Bowling Alley" but I've always lacked in the flair department when it comes to naming things.

Despite the bit's bland title, you can imagine my surprise they other day when I received a MySpace message from the Pawn Shop Ninjas that said:

So... we did a search to see if anyone had a similar name to our bands', and your pawnshop ninja bit came up. We totally cracked up, and we think you'd make a lovely addition to our humble collection of friends :D

- Penny Dreadful and Digital Lo-Fi (two-thirds of the Pawnshop Ninjas)

Can you say most random thing ever? I still need to hit them back up and find out how they came up with that name but until I do that I will continue to be baffled.