Presenting the last fully functional Pontiac Fiero.

I really shouldn't be writing this right now. I should really be in the shower so I can arrive at the office all clean and April fresh but I just don't have it in me. They are my balls and if they stick to my leg it is my choice.

I technically have about 32 minutes of freedom before I need to head out the door so I can show up only five minutes late and I intend to make the most of it.

Undoubtedly, at some point along the soul crushing journey to work, I will see this sweet ice blue Pontiac Fiero.

I see this car every morning and every morning the guy behind the wheel drives as though he's running late to an audition for the fourth insalment of The Fast and the Furious- which I really hope is something that happens because then there might be a fifth chapter called The Fast and the Furious Five and then just maybe Grand Master Flash could be the star and that would be awesome.

But let's get back on task and back to the Fiero. The guy behind the wheel elevates the asshole driver concept to a whole new level which is not an easy thing to do in Los Angeles- much in the same way Jeffrey Lebowski being the laziest man in LA County automatically places him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide.

When he pulled away from the stoplight his tires were howling like a drunken coyote. Who could he have been drag racing? The only other person near him was me on my bicycle. Was he running from the devil?

See, he's already going so fast he's out of focus.

At this point he's probably already doing 75 which is only a little more than double the speed limit and really maximizes the time you get to spend waiting and the next red light a block up the street. The guy drives like this every morning. How can his car not start on fire on a weekly basis?

Mr. Fiero driver, if you happen to read this, seriously chill yourself out and take a step back and realize that if you're driving a Fiero to work, your job really can't be that important.